 almanac
Almanac of visual and verbal humour under the motto
"Whatever blossoms in the Balkans is rooted in Europe"
The Almanac is compounded in three languages: Bulgarian, Serbian and
English, and it includes authors' works, as well as local and national
Bulgarian and Serbian folk art. The materials have been gathered by
Bulgarian and Serbian youths, members of the "Initiative for the Future"
cross-border youth network, who have been trained in the "Balkan Humour
and Satire" module.
Humour or humor is the ability or quality of people, objects, or situations
to evoke feelings of amusement and laughter in other people. It encompasses
a form of entertainment or human communication which evokes pleasant
feelings.
It is considered that the term derives from the ancient Greeks, according
to whom Herodotus would give a special mix of fluids known as humours
(Greek:  ,
chymos, literally: juice or sap, metaphorically: flavour) controlling
human health and emotion.
Humour is nearly as old as humanity itself. Supposedly, as soon as
the cave man showed his ability for self-analysis, humour was the next
step in the evolution of the human kind - along with its ability for
studying and self-education. That is why it is reasonable to say that
smile is what makes the difference between man and animals.
A sense of humour is the ability of man to purposefully generate humour,
as well as to understand humour, evoked by other people, happenings
and events. The extent to which an individual finds something definitely
humorous depends on various factors like: geographical location (Scots,
the residents of the town of Gabrovo in Bulgaria, the residents of the
town of Pirot in Serbia…), culture (the English will laugh at different
things in comparison to the people from Bosnia), maturity (children
like different things compared to adults), level of education (schoolchildren
and university students), context. Humour, both verbal and visual, may
be playful, stinging, ironic, satirical, political, black humour…it
is interwoven in history, in space and in time and has the power to
cross any boundaries and surmount barriers, even those which seem insurmountable.
People who know how to tell a joke and an anecdote are the life and
soul of every party, so let this Almanac be a small "manual" for boosting
the spirits of young people in Bulgaria and Serbia.
FUNNY STORIES
The colour of mice
I work … though it is a bit funny for me to say it, as a scientific
worker. I have never accepted it: a worker + science. But there were
times, when there were so many such workers - political workers, criminal
workers… I am a biologist, I work at a scientific laboratory. So one
day they surprised us with an overhaul. The boss said: "They promise
me that it will be finished in a week, that's why I agreed." We moved
this and that from their places…But when it came to the white mice,
which were used for experiments, nobody wanted them. There was nothing
to be done and I took them home.
My wife immediately climbed on the table and made the following statement:
"You will either take them away, or else I am leaving the house!"
However Tanya, my 5-year old daughter, was very enthusiastic. She abandoned
all her toys and sat by the mice all day long. There hardly remained
a thing that she did not do for them - she bathed them, put them to
sleep, sang songs to them, cooked meals for them… One day she even painted
them with her water colours.
The workers kept their promise - in a week we moved back in and I brought
the mice back. My wife treated the neighbours with champagne, Tanya
cried a lot…
Over a month later I met my neighbour Kiro, who was known as a drunkard,
in the lift. We share a terrace with him and that is why, willy-nilly,
I still maintain some social contacts with him. But as I looked at him,
I realized that this time he was as fresh as a daisy. It was 5 p.m.
and he was still sober.
"I don’t drink any more", he said shyly.
"Very good", blubbered I.
"Oh, I experienced such bad things", he livened up. "Last month one
day at noon I got drunk. I go out on the terrace, and … what a nightmare!
I see a mouse crawling on the window sill. A red one. Then another one
appeared, a green one. And a third one - purple! Imagine that - a purple
mouse… Down to the hospital I ran. The doctor looked concerned as he
said: "How many times do I have to tell you to quit drinking?" And so
I did - for over a month now I haven't had a single drop. .. Now I am
all right - there are no mice any more. Neither green, nor purple...
From "Stories from 4 x 100 with Shopska Salad", by Andreya Iliev
WHEN YOU DIE
My mother-in-law, the poor thing, took great pity on me and one day
she spoke out: "Nasko, Nasko, we live so well with you around! And when
you die, my dear son-in-law, who will take care of us?"
From "Sprinkling form the Rila Spout" author Rumen Trenev
Vladimir Dimitrov, the Master, went to the field to paint. It was reaping
time. He pained, watched how the peasants gathered the harvest, and
his soul filled with joy. A reaper approached him to watch him painting.
"Good day, Master!", he said.
"Good day to you, too, master", replied the artist. And as
he stared at the peasant, he saw that the man was barefooted and his
legs were all scratched.
He took off his moccasins and gave them to the barefooted peasant.
"But, Master…"
"Take them, you don’t want to be ill tomorrow, do you? Do not
worry about me, I will paint another pair for myself!"
Recorded by Blagoi Ranov
FOREIGN LANGUAGES - GERMAN AUXILLIARY VERBS
German language was a bit more difficult for us, but we managed only
because of the fact that we had a teacher who could explain very clearly
to us many things that would otherwise have been rather vague to us.
As an example I will quote only two cases, when he clearly and simply
explained to us what the auxiliary verbs in the German language were.
"An auxiliary verb, children, is a verb which helps the main verb.
For example, I am hoeing my vineyard. In this case I am the verb "graben".
Hence: ich grabe. Well, but "graben" cannot manage to hoe
the whole vineyard alone. The day is short and he cannot cope on his
own. He wonders what he should do, then he decides to ask his neighbour
"haben" to help him. And he says to him: "Be a good neighbour,
"haben", help me hoe my vineyard." "Haben",
being a good neighbour, agrees, the two of them take to work jointly
and here it is: "ich habe gegraben". Hence, in this case "haben"
is an auxiliary verb, that is, a verb that has helped his neighbour
"graben". Well, then, the day when "graben" hoed
his vineyard was not the only short day; there were other short days,
as well. Another time "graben" has to hoe his corn field.
He makes an effort, he does his best, but he cannot cope. The day is
short and he cannot manage. What should he do, he contemplates. He cannot
ask "haben" to help him again, because he has already done
him a favour by hoeing the vineyard. Then it occurs to him that he can
ask his other neighbour, "werden", to give him a hand. As
a good fellow "werden" also responds to his request and comes
to help his neighbour. The two of them brace themselves up, pool their
efforts, and there it is: "ich werde graben". Hence, in this
case "werden" is also an auxiliary verb, a verb of help. Now,
did you get that, children?"
"We did", we answered unanimously, because we had really
understood the explanation very well.
And when during the next lesson the teacher asked, say, Sreten Iovich
what the auxiliary verbs in German were, Iovich, deeply convinced that
he had grasped the explanation from the previous lesson very well, answered:
"Auxiliary verbs are neighbours. When one of them cannot hoe his
vineyard, he asks his neighbour for help and they jointly hoe the vineyard.
Another time, when he cannot hoe his field of corn, he asks his other
neighbour to help him. That is why all the auxiliary verbs in the German
language are neighbours."
"Well, then, Sreten, tell me, whom will you ask to help you when
you don’t know your lesson?" the teacher asked.
"My neighbour Zhivko", answers Sreten.
"The same Zhivko that is sitting next to you at the desk?"
"Yes."
"And how will he help you?"
"He will prompt."
"And what will he prompt?"
"Whatever I don’t know."
"And then Zhivko will be your auxiliary verb, is that so?"
"Yes."
"Well then, you, the auxiliary verb, stand up and prompt to him
for all of us to hear. What is the important thing that Sreten forgot
to say?"
"He forgot to say," Zhivko answered as he was standing up
"that the day was short and that is why that man could not manage
to hoe his vineyard."
From Branislav Nusic’s "Autobiography" (unofficial translation)
 Anecdotes
Two people were drinking at a public bar and talking:
"Where are you from?"
"From Bourgas."
"So am I, let’s drink to that!"
"O.K!"
They drank.
"Which school did you study at?"
"The Third Secondary School."
" So did I, let’s drink to that!"
"O.K!"
"And where did you live?"
"Near the square."
"So did I, let’s drink to that!"
They did.
At that time the bartenders changed. The newcomer asked: "Is everything
OK?"
"Yes. But the twins got drunk again."
Two mothers are talking:
"It is none of my business, but have you noticed what your daughter
has been doing lately?"
"What?"
"She's been knitting baby bootees!"
"Thank God! Finally she has taken to something serious, I am sick of
her endless parties!"
"What is according to you the difference between man and the camel?"
"A camel may work for days on end without drinking, while man can drink
for days on end without working."
"Peter is a very unhappy creature!"
"How so? He has a Mercedes, a flat, a three-storey summer house,
a young and beautiful wife, two mistresses, money in the bank…"
"Well, yes, but he has no alibi."
A bus driver says to a citizen: "Please, don’t jump off the bus
while I am still driving."
"But I am in a hurry for the hospital."
"Ah, well, then jump."
"I have tried all the medicines against insomnia, doctor, but
none of them has worked. What shall I do?"
"Apply for a night guard."
Two patients suffering from insomnia meet at the doctor’s. One of
them complained: "I can’t sleep lately."
"Well, I found a solution to this problem", the other said.
"I count to three and then fall asleep immediately."
"I count to three and then fall asleep immediately."
"Only to three?" the other guy surprised.
"Well, sometimes it goes on until a quarter to four."
"Mister, why do you appoint only married men in your company?"
"Because they are used to scandals."
"My dear friends, you will not believe that… Yesterday I was
kidnapped by aliens!"
"That’s impossible!"
"But I remember everything! Some strange lights and noises, shining
buttons, upward movement…"
"Ah, some aliens… You got drunk and we carried you to your flat
in the lift."
The son of a mobster comes home after the last school lesson and his
father asks him:"
"Well, son, how did you do at school today?"
"Five Ds, Dad.", answered the sonny.
"Oh, there will be some thrashing!"
"I know, Dad. I’ve already got their addresses."
A customs officer died and went to God. God opened a big book and
said:
"Oh, you are a very respectable person, you have made donations
to orphanages, and you are to go to Heaven!"
But as he turned the page he said:
"Oh, you have stolen so much, you have brought to ruin so many
people! Where shall I put you now?"
"At the customs office, God, at the customs office!"
A sociological survey among customs officers:
Question:
"How much time do you need to buy a BMW?"
A customs officer from the northern border:
"Not less than 3 months."
A customs officer from the southern border:
"At least 5 months."
A customs officer from the western border, after some thinking:
"Not less than 5 years."
- ???
"Well, it is a big company, after all."
It started raining. A policeman and an undergraduate student hid under
a awning. The policeman was eating a donut, and the student was reading
a newspaper. A dog passed by, and the policeman decided to mock the
student. So he tore off a piece of his donut, threw it to the dog and
said,
“Here, eat so that you are not as hungry as this student.”
The student tore off a piece of his paper and replied,
“Here, read, so that you are not as dumb as this policeman.”
A father, working as a traffic police officer, is waking up his son,
also a traffic police officer:
"Get up, son, it’s time to go to work!"
"What is the time?"
"7:30 AM"
"It is still very early, Dad."
"Oh, no, it is not. For half an hour now those rotters have been
driving free of charge."
The chief of the firefighters comes slowly into the room of those
on duty, hands in pockets, and says
"Guys, get ready little by little…I will wait for you to get ready,
to get dressed, and then we’ll go to put out a fire - the building of
the tax inspectorate is on fire."
An Internet maniac tries to quit surfing the net. He sits in front
of the computer and starts repeating,
“I won’t turn it on, I won’t turn it on…”
In a while he cannot help himself, he turns on the computer and the
modem and continues to repeat,
“It wasn’t me, it wasn’t me…”
Two prison inmates are talking:
"What are you here for?"
"I became the scapegoat of competition."
"How so?"
"I used to make the same banknotes as the government did."
A teacher says to a student:
"I want you to come to school with your grandfather tomorrow."
"You mean with my father."
"No, with your grandfather.. I want to show him what gross mistakes
his son makes in your home works."
Teachers phone the Ministry to arrange for a meeting with the Minister:
"The situation is difficult, we have no money."
"It is all right, I will receive you without money."
At the psychiatrist’s surgery:
"Doctor, I am not a man, I am a dog."
"Please, lie down on the coach."
"Thanks a lot, they would not permit me to lie on the sofa at
home."
"Darling, I left two bottles of vodka in the fridge yesterday,
and now there is only one. Why?"
"Ah, because I haven’t seen it."
A drunk man returned home. He decided to pretend that he is not drunk
in front his wife. He wondered what to do and thought that if he read
a book she would not notice anything. So he sat in the living room and
started reading. His wife came in, looked at him and says:
“Well, I see that you are drunk again! How much can you drink, really?”
“What are you talking about, woman? Can’t you see that I am sitting
here, reading a book?”
“Close this suitcase right away and go to bed, you drunkard!”
Two friends got together to have a drink and remember the old times.
They sat at the table and one of them asked,
“So, what are we going to drink? Wine or whiskey?”
“And a beer, too!”
A deaf-mute person meets a friend and says to him using gestures:
“Last night I was late and my wife started yelling at me…”
“And what did you do?”
“I turned off the lights.”
A man calls the electric company on the phone and says,
“If you send me one more threatening letter I will take you out of the
family lottery.”
“What is this family lottery?”
“I put all bills in a jar, I shuffle them, take one out and then I go
pay it.”
A man enters a tattooing studio and says:
"I want a tank tattooed on the whole of my back."
In ten minutes’ time the tattooing man says:
"Well, everything is ready."
"So quickly!"
"Why, what’s so complicated about it? It’s only four letters!?"
“Excuse me, but you still owe me a hundred euros!
“You are excused!”
A secretary phones the director of the zoo who is on a business trip
and asks:
„Sir, the monkey has died. Shall we seek for another one or shall we
just wait for you to come back?"
The telephone rings and an impolite voice is heard:
Hello, is this 990237631?
"Yes, it is. Who is calling?"
"This is 844803361, his friend from the prison."
As two policemen were walking they found three bombs. The first one
said:
"Let’s take them to the chief."
"What if one of them explodes?"
"We’ll tell him that we have found only two…"
A teacher says to a student:
"Go to the blackboard and draw an apple."
The student asks:
"What do you want it to be, sour or sweet?"
"Doctor, what should I do so that my hands will stay nice and
soft?"
"Do nothing, Madam. Possibly every day."
A policeman stops a man in the street and says to him:
"Give me all yours names!"
And the man answers:
"How will I be called after that?" asks the man.
Little John is writing a letter to Santa Claus:
"My dear Santa Claus, please send me a little sister for Christmas!"
Santa Claus replies:
"No problem. But you have to send me your mother first."
The friends of a doctor phone him at his home and invite him to play
cards with them.
"I am coming right away!" he replies.
And the doctor’s wife is asking, "Is it an emergency again, honey?"
"Yes, dear, there are three doctors there already."
A judge asks a defendant:
"Why did you steal the car?"
"I was in a hurry to get on the train."
"Why not the tram."
"Your Honour, who would steal a tram nowadats?"
"Madam, why didn’t you call us immediately, if you complain that
the robber has turned everything upside down in your house?"
"You are right, but at first I thought that my husband had been
looking for a clean shirt."
An elderly lady walks into a drugstore and says:
"I want two doses of contraceptives."
"Do you know what these pills are for?"
"Yes, for headache."
"Dear Madam, they are not for headache, they prevent pregnancy."
"I know that, I haven’t gone gaga yet. They are for my granddaughters,
so that I don’t get a headache after that."
A blond girl goes to a petrol-station and the boy working there asks
her:
"What kind of petrol do you want?"
"I want super."
"Which super? There is super 98 and super 95."
The blond girl thinks for a while and then asks:
"Can’t I have some super from this year?"
"Mary, let’s play Big Brother," a husband suggests to his
wife.
"OK", she agrees reluctantly.
Then the husband says:
"Mary, this is Big Brother speaking. You have two minutes to pack
your things and leave the house."
Belgrade graffiti: "What a Waste"
"What is the difference between a fairy and a witch?"
"Five years of marriage… "
I went to Berlin to paint graffiti. Imagine, they have torn down the
wall!
Only 8 million people have the pleasure to live in Serbia. All the
rest do not have that pleasure, but they have everything else instead.
I am not interested in money and fame. I am only interested in money.
Do something for the homeland: emigrate!
It is not all about love. Fear of AIDS is also involved.
Wise men never marry one and the same woman twice.
Darling, it's either me or the computer!
They tell me you are unfaithful to me and you will leave me.
Whom will you leave me to?
My sand clock is three sand grains late.
I saw Picasso’s self-portrait. My goodness, what he looked like!
If you see someone watering flowers with an empty bucket, the chances
are that he is not mad but the flowers are artificial.
Men can be grouped into two categories: awfully simple and simply awful.
Once I was a human being…and then I received a modem as a gift.
Every family must have three children. If it happens that one of the
children is a genius, the other two will have to provide for him.
If a man opens the car door for a woman, either the car, or the woman
is new.
He who sings thinks no evil thoughts, but he who thinks doesn’t feel
like singing.
Dushan Radovic: "Good Morning, Belgrade"
Nobody begrudges you the abilities; you are only envied for your success.
While you toil and moil, they consider you crazy, and when you achieve
something, they consider you lucky.
Love each other when you are not together. This is true love. He who
loves only when he is together with the one he loves, makes no distinction
among the people he is together with.
Football fans are men of two types: such that have no girl-friends
and such that have wives.
It is only twice in your life-time that you have to be clever – when
you are choosing a profession and when you are choosing a spouse. If
you make the wrong choice in both cases, you will have to be clever
all your life.
A woman is like winter – she has good sides and bad sides. The good
sides can be seen, and the bad sides can be felt.
We cannot live without other people. Some of them create problems for
us, while the others solve them.
Is love an illness? Yes, but it cannot be transmitted. You can love
someone deeply, but you can never transmit love to them.
We are loved by the good and true women, but we love the other women,
whom nobody would have loved if it had not been for us.
If possible, don’t love those who love you. If this is not possible,
love them very little. If this is not possible, either, love them very
much, but for a short period of time.
Someone has been unfaithful to the woman he loves by being involved
with the woman he lives with.
There is a queue in front of the National Library, but the queue is
for the tram.
There is a queue in front of the National Museum, too, but the queue
is for the bus.
 Nasreddin
Hodja
When the name of Nasreddin Hodja is mentioned, a smile appears on everybody’s
face. He is well known for the many variations of his name from Iraq
all the way to Romania, as a symbol of the healthy spirit of the nation
and of its wit, but few people know that Nasreddin Hodja was a real
person. His father was an imam, i.e. a priest in the village of Horto
near the town of Sivrihisar, district of Akshahir, and very soon after
the birth of their seventh child – Nasreddin, the family moved to the
big district town of Akshahir, not far from the Silk Road connecting,
with its thin threads, Europe and Asia, Islam and Christianity with
the rest of the world. The name Nasreddin means helper of faith, a person
who can find the right way, while Hodja is a title.
About Giving
One day a neighbour asked Nasreddin Hodja to lend him some money.
"I have no money to give you", answered the Hodja, "but
I can give you as many pieces of my mind as you wish …"
Whom do you believe?
One day a neighbour called on Nasreddin Hodja and asked him to lend
him his donkey.
"I am sorry," said the Hodja, "but it died."
At that time the "dead" donkey brayed from the courtyard.
"But I can hear its voice!" the neighbour said.
"Whom do you believe? Me or the donkey?" asked the Hodja.
40-year-old vinegar
A neighbour came running to Nasreddin Hodja and asked him:
"Can I have some of your famous 40-year-old vinegar to season my
pilaff?"
"If I had given some of it to everybody that came asking, I wouldn’t
have had 40-year-old vinegar today", answered the Hodja.
There Is No Halvah
"Why don’t you make your own halvah, Nasreddin?" His friends
asked him. "You are so good at making it!"
"Because, when I have flour, I have no sesame, when I have sesame
I have no butter, and when I have everything, too many people come visiting",
said the Hodja.
 Small advertisements
"A Doberman for sale. Eats everything, likes young children very
much."
"A divorced, childless woman seeks a man with a pension for two."
"I am a young, healthy and stalwart man, I have 2 houses, a yacht,
a summer house on the Hawaii and a Porsche car. I do not sell or buy
anything, I just want to brag."
"I urgently seek a stand-in man for my honey-moon."
"I donate a house with an evil mother-in-law."
"I seek a woman with a tractor. Please, send a picture of the
tractor."
"A small ass is sought to transport a big ass."
"Place in history is bartered for a one-room flat."
School
Humour
A teacher in Chemistry:
"Methane burns with a colourless blue flame."
A physics teacher:
"If you are somewhere in outer space and you meet a man who wants
to shake hands with you and offers you his left hand, do not hasten
to do it, because you might get annihilated, both of you."
"Dear colleagues, what is the difference between mass and weight?
It is that 1 kg of peppers have different weights on the Moon and on
Earth… So it is a better bargain to buy peppers on the Moon, I know
this from experience…"
"Well, as I see my words are gliding past your ears like water
on the skin of a young seal."
A teacher walks into a classroom and looks around the faces of the
11th grade students.
"Boys, if Darwin were alive, he would have stopped wondering about
the connecting link between man and monkey."
Chemistry lesson:
"Open the door, John, we may have to get out in a hurry…"
A conductor of the Sofia Youth Philharmonic Orchestra:
"You are gazing at the notes like a red Indian at a glass of whisky."
Explanation of a Physics teacher:
"Imagine something that you cannot imagine ¬– that is the magnetic
field."
"Don’t ask me! Ask your question!"
Students:
"Hey, what are we going to do during the physics lesson tomorrow?"
"Well, we’ll talk about internal combustion engines."
"When did we talk about external combustion engines?"
A teacher from the English Language School in Sofia:
"I want you to write an essay for next time. The topic is: "Why
is Achilles’s chest hairy?"
A biology teacher:
"You will neither speak nor talk!"
The Math’s teacher:
"Those, who are absent, raise your hands!"
From a literature test,
"Don Quixote was a fifty-year-old youngster who had a bald horse."
A sports teacher:
"I see absent students in the line."
A teacher in Literature:
"Every time I open my mouth I hear the voice of some idiot."
"A monkey holds on to trees with his back hands."
From a literature essay of a seventh-grade student:
"In her right hand Old Ilijtsa was holding the gun, in her left
hand the baby, and in her other one the wounded rebel."
A teacher:
"I will send everybody out and I will work with the rest!"
A geography lesson:
"A camel can walk for 30 to 40 hours a day."
Excerpts from students’ essays:
"…Magellan conducted the first voyage around the world. Unfortunately
he was killed on the Philippines and his crew returned without him.
Nonetheless the deceased kept a good memory about his voyage."
"…Kangaroos have a pocket on their belly, in which to hide in
case of danger."
A citizen at a government institution:
"Excuse me, isn’t there a queue?"
"Well, no, there isn’t."
"Cool! It is for the first time! One would almost wish to stand
in the queue twice!"
A teacher: "Read this when you get to your house."
A student: "I live in a flat."
A biology teacher: "What are the advantages enjoyed by non-smokers?"
A student: "Non-smokers will die healthier."
A math teacher: "This problem has no solution, yet we will solve
it."
"Dead skeletons have been found there."
"There are two types of fishes: water fish and sea fish".
A student: "Out of seven possible problems I solved 12."
"The parts of an engine are: rotor, stator and fender."
"When you watch a sun eclipse, don't you ever look at the sun.
You can also wear sun glasses, but be on the alert and never get too
close."
"There are four symptoms of this disease. I have forgotten two
of them and the other two are so popular, that there is no point in
mentioning them."
"Doctors say that lethal diseases are the most dangerous ones.
"
A teacher: "You are so bad, that it would serve you right if I
send you to a room full of rats and lock you there."
A student: "You have just described what our sitting room looks
like."
"States have different forms of state government. Italy is in
the form of a boot."
"An infinite unmber of straight lines can be drawn through a single
point, and the number of lines that can be drawn through two points
is twice as big."
"People who live in the desert eat mostly sand."
A student: "It is better for me to live a quality life for 60
years than ... "
A teacher: "I will ask you whether that is still what you think
when you turn 59."
"If I mention your name once again, I won't have to do it again,
because you will be thrown out!"
"They lived in the 4th century before New Year."
"Everything is correct, but there is a small mistake somewhere."
"There was famine and shortage of food."
Aphorisms
The straight line is the shortest distance between two points of view.
Hristo Topuzanov
How much longer will the light in the tunnel shine for us?
Hristo Topuzanov
The revelation of a fellow-countryman:
"I don’t need anything to whet my appetite. I need something to
eat."
Be aware that as long as the family budget is in the red, we will
be living under communism!
Flowers are just like friends: There are genuine ones and there are
decorative ones.
Ivan Neshev
One can acquire certain things in Serbia, too, such as ulcer, heart
attack, depression...
"I can't understand why my mother is so angry about the broken
vase. It was a Chinese vase, not ours!"
"Yesterday I shirked school for the first time. The student I
gave a poor mark to nearly caught me."
"Why are there no mosquitoes in China?"
"Each Chinese has killed one."
"It is small, blue, sitting on a tree and singing. What is it?"
"A talented plum."
PROVERBS
Once burnt, twice shy.
Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy wealthy and wise.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
A tongue has no bones, but it can crush bones.
Haste makes waste.
Night brings counsel.
There is no worse craft than stubbornness.
He who sings means no harm.
It is never a bad day that hath a good night.
Never quit certainty for a hope.
One swallow does not make a summer.
Where there is a chimney, there will be smoke.
You cannot eat your cake and have it.
She is always harping on the same string.
He has a finger in every pie.
Little streams make big rivers.
There is an end to every nice thing.
RIDDLES
Long John without bones pays a visit to the sky. (Smoke)
Grey, alive, curled, with needles run into it. (Hedgehog)
In the morning he walks on four legs, at noon on two and in the evening
on three. (Man)
It is green outside and red inside. (Watermelon)
A wild dog, unknown to the eyes, drags smoke in the sky, and sweeps
thorns in the field. (Wind)
An endless field with innumerable sheep and a horned sheperd. (The
sky, the stars, the moon)
It beats you, but you do not see it. (Wind)
A white house propped on a beam. (Mushroom)
Four brothers sleep under one blanket, but cannot see each other. (Walnut
nuts)
A wondrous buzzer sat on a wondrous stone and sang a wondrous song.
(Bee)
White hens lie under a shed. (Teeth)
A red dog barks through a window. (Tongue)
It goes in without crust and comes out with a crust. (Bread)
A whitewashed wall with a yellow judge sitting behind it. (Egg)
It shines in the dark and glows in the light. (Lamp)
In summer it is stark cold and in winter boiling hot. (Stove)
White field with black seeds, sown by hand, reaped by mouth. (Book)
humor
from Kyustendil
Vasil Gioshev
Loafers don’t have days off.
Iordan Stankov
Truth does not arrive according to our schedule.
Iglolistki
Revelation of a Bulgarian: “I do not need anything to excite my appetite.
I need something to eat.”
Homeless people are unpleasant sight. That is why the politicians
close their eyes.
Politics is a game and its training day takes place behind closed
curtains.
Blagoi Ranov
The famous Bulgarian artist Vladimir Dimitrov - the Master went to
the field to paint. It was the harvest season. As he painted, he watched
the villagers gathering the harvest and his heart was filled with
joy. In a while a harvester came to watch him paint,
“Good day, Master!”, he said.
“Good day to you too, master!”, the artist replied. He stared at the
villager and saw that he was barefooted and his feet were scratched.
“Please, take my moccasins, master!”
He took his moccasins off and handed them over to the barefooted villager.
“But, Master!...”
“Take them, you don’t want to get sick, do you?... Don’t worry about
me, I can paint a pair for myself!”
Dimitar Krumov
Exquisite taste requires deep pockets.
He does not like to crawl – he achieves everything kneeling.
Krustiu Damianov
A good word opens iron doors, while a good sum opens any kind of
door.
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